Hello again. I have been checking in as often as I can to stay connected to the pulsations of light from the collective, but circumstances have kept me, for the most part, silent. The man who had been the prime catalyst for my transformation during these past few years is suddenly absent from my side. My path these past months has been through the unpredictable darkness of the valley of the shadow of death, and every ounce of my energies has been directed at navigating towards hope, towards life. Grief sneaks behind me and from time to time overwhelms me. I am so grateful for this community. I welcome you all again, new members and old, and introduce myself to a new reality.
Six years ago I received an unexpected interdimensional communication that in six weeks from my birthday I would be meeting someone very special, and on March 10, 2003 I met Don — appropriately enough, at a weekend channeling workshop in Sedona with Barbara Marciniak. Kismet. With our first words to each other at a quick lunch break, lifetimes of memories obliterated everything around us as we recognized and reconnected through what appeared to me as an ephemeral but very real tunnel of light. Literally. Everything else disappeared, just for that brief sharing of memory. (His first words to me: “You were a witch, and you were burned at the stake,” to which I responded, “Yes, and you didn’t help me, did you?” Thus an old romance began again.) It was a strange moment outside of time, yet so familiar I knew it was a divine setup. Three months later, we were sharing a loft in Florida, and the following May we welcomed — surprise! — a son into the world. Three years later, we followed Don’s dream and moved to the smoky blue mountains of Appalachia, and three years after that, cancer finally gained the upper hand. As I explained to our son, Daddy’s body broke and wasn’t strong enough to hold his spirit any more. He left this world, and left me completely transformed. Last week, crying, I screamed my pain up to the sky, “You left me alone on this planet again!” But not quite alone. I have a sidekick this time, an old teacher come to me in the form of a little boy, my son.
Everything is suddenly different, and understandings are falling into my consciousness likes bricks on my head. The pain of separation can literally rip the fabric of your being apart, I have discovered, so I allow the pain to diminish and call on peace and tenderness in my healing. I have not known pain like this before, not when my father died, not even with the miscarriage. It is an excruciating process, yet the reality of love is everywhere alive, fear long since forgotten. These months have pushed me to the limits of endurance on every level, squeezed out every ounce of what was within me that is no longer needed for my journey. The mysteries love shares through death are surprising, powerful, pure, and memory comes alive with teachings. Don always said, whatever you have to say, ask is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? If it isn’t all three, don’t say it. I share this with you, from him. It is one of the many beautiful things he shared with people he met on this earthwalk. May the words serve you well.
Now is a time for release and healing, and I surrender to it. This is a process that cannot be rushed. I welcome the consciousness of love to fill the big emptiness. After the fine-tuning is done, communication will begin anew. In the meantime, I wish you all peace.